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Trying to follow God and draw closer to him each day. Some days I slip, some days I fall, I'm so glad He never does.

Friday, December 18, 2009

A Hurting Heart

Today I’m hurting.

I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions lately and I’m not sure if it’s because of the season, Tommy’s birthday or this is just life now.

I miss ‘the boys’ so much. I miss their laughter, their smiles, their stories, the noise (and there was a lot with seven children), I miss watching them all play together, grow together, there is so much to miss.

Last year at this time I was functioning under shock and disbelief, I think that was a great coping mechanism God gave us, and as I’ve grown over the last year, apparently I no longer need them. But now I am left with the reality, that at times almost hurts so bad it’s physical. I am here and they are there and I wish it wasn’t so.

I got the kids school pictures in the mail about four weeks ago. They look great. I didn’t have time to put them up and I still haven’t found time. Really, I can’t find ten minutes to change the pictures in the frames? As I was thinking about this last night, I realized that I’m stuck. It occurred to me that I don’t want to change my kids pictures. You see, on my wall are seven pictures and I’ll only be changing four of them. How do I do that?

So as I cry out to my Abba Father, He continues to meet me and teach me in His way.

I’ll leave you with a story:

The other night I was snuggling with Tommy and he said he was scared of lions and bears (yup, just out of the blue like that). Well except for the cute little cub that was far enough from our house last year that it was exciting and not scary.

So I quickly think, this is a great teachable moment, and I say, ‘Well, Tommy, God gave David the strength and protected him against the lions and bears, and God is always with us, so I think your pretty safe; and the fact that we really don’t live in an area with lions and bears (normally) I think you’ll be ok.’

He looked at me and said ‘Well, when Jesus comes back everything will be normal again,’ and turned over and went to sleep.

Wow… and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. He’s right, this isn’t normal, hurting, death, pain; this is not the way God created us to live, but then there was sin and everything changed. And God loved us so much He sent His one and only Son to be born in a manger and His name is Jesus and when we are with Him either this side or that; everything will be normal again. Hallelujah . May God bless you this season and rejoice, everything will be normal again.  I, for one, am anxiously awaiting the day.

In God’s Love, sheila

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Political or Not

I am so NOT political, but when I heard this on the radio this morning my first thought was 'How dare they?'

So the deal is, it is alright for the government to promote Jesus for their 2010 census but almost illegal for Jesus to be associated with Christmas.... 

Then as I started to think about it, aren't they saying what we as Christians knew all along.  Jesus was born in Bethlehem to Mary and Joseph exactly as the Bible says.

So thanks for making it so widely known.  I'm really not upset about it.

God bless you and Merry Christmas,
In God's Love, sheila

Monday, December 14, 2009

'Not me' Monday

I certainly would never feed my now 5 yr old a peanut butter and strawberry ice cream topping as a complete sandwich. That just wouldn’t be healthy. Not one ounce of guilt here, that was until his little brother wanted just a jelly sandwich and I gave it to him. Oh, what a tangled web we weave…..

I also would never think to put my many sick children on the floor to sleep with a few towels under their faces, because the thought of stripping a bed in the middle of the night made me want to cry. Of course I really didn’t, but the thought may or may not have been there.

I certainly didn’t turn red when I asked someone in the weight room if the machine was broken, only to discover I was no where near using it properly. I may or may not go back there again. And I certainly wouldn’t of skipped any machine I did not know how to use, because I was too embarrassed to ask. I have more self-esteem than that.

I also didn’t try sending in beans and yams to my son’s school for the needy because no one will eat them in my house. Only to find that he refused to take them, claiming ‘no one wants them, they won’t eat ‘em, they won’t even like them’ and then I certainly wouldn’t of served them for dinner that night to the same son. Sometimes it’s just great being the Mom.

I also wouldn’t of been in such a hurry to leave the house without a diaper, And if I did and my little guy needed a diaper change at his big sister’s concert, I wouldn’t first see if the diaper was salvageable, then decide it wasn’t and let him go al natural. Which may or may not have worked out well until we then went to my Aunt’s funeral an hour later. In which I would have taken the time to stop at the house and get a diaper instead of rushing. But, let’s just say I did rush then I would have had it in mind to NOT allow him upteen cups of water from the water cooler because he was content and well-behaved. You know because that water machine is so darn addicting to a two year old. Of course, that was probably what it was on his pants, spilled water, I’m sure of it.

Like I said, sometimes it’s just great being a Mom. How was your week?

In God’s love, sheila

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Happy Birthday Tommy

Wow, I can't believe he is turning five.  He is so full of self-confidence and such a boy.  But there is a side to him that is the most lovable, huggable, snuggly little boy.  And what a sense of humor that is emerging.  Can you believe how much he has changed.

One month old

                                            Look at those cheeks

5 mths old

Don't ya love that smile....                                                                       

Here's that sense of humor

Three years old

Happy Birthday My Big Boy,
I love you more than the snowflakes that fall in the winter
love, mommy

Friday, December 11, 2009

Installing A Husband

Everyone once in a while, it's good to laugh and just imagine a simplier life.  Which is why, when a friend sent this to  me, I cracked up.  It's not an original, and maybe you've even seen it,  'Oh, if the problems in life were so simple.'  Enjoy and Merry Christmas,

In God's Love, sheila



Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as:

NBA 5.0,
NFL 3.0 and
Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

First, keep in mind,

Boy friend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 up date.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boy friend 5.0 program.

These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!
Tech Support

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Santa Clause

So I'm having some quiet talk and snuggle time with my four year old Tommy and he asked me something about Santa Clause.  Before I knew what was happening, Tommy was asking me 'what if Santa is a theif?' 

First off, how does he know this word and second have I done lasting damage to my child?  Where did this come from?  Am I freaking out for no reason?

Let's retrace my Santa Theory a bit to get a better handle on things:

Abby, first-born, very realistic.  At 3/4 looked straight at me and said 'is Santa real'?  So I said, 'Well, what do you think?  She really thought about it a minute scrunched up her little nose and grinned saying 'Momma, reindeers can't fly and I don't think someone can deliver toys to every child in one night.'  So I re-afirmed what she already knew, but let her know that it is fun to pretend, right?

Serena was a little harder.  She is the shy one.  She is also somewhat a perfectionist and HATES to be wrong.  Oh my word, to be wrong about something as huge as Santa Clause would be life-changing.  So, while she would never really admit whether or not she believed, keeping her perfect record of 100% accuracy, I think she really did.

And then once the girls saw the Tim Allen movie, Santa Clause, that was all she needed to answer any of Abby's doubts, no fireplace, no problem; no snow, not a worry; only one night, piece of cake.

Don't even get me started on the ones who have tried to tell my children that 'to the one who doesn't believe, is the one who doesn't get anything'.  Yeah, I better not go there, let it go, let it go......lol.

So, what does everyone else who is sane and rational do about the Santa Clause thing?

He looks normal though doesn't he, he doesn't looked damaged or fragile?

Motherhood is NOT as easy as some people led me to believe.

In God's love, sheila

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Did you ever see this episode of I Love Lucy...

Not too sure which one is Lucy and which is Ethel:

What can you control?

I decided it was time for a kitchen makeover.  First, I had a wall in my kitchen with a growth.  Well not really a growth, but something was going on, the drywall was protruding out and I just knew that if we touched it, it would crumble.  So we never did, we just ignored it and hoped everyone else did too.  I certainly never wanted to invest money in the kitchen with a wall like that, where would the logic be in that. But finally I did get the wall fixed and could not wait to paint it.  This project had so many similarities to my life that I think it may take me quite a while to process it all.

When things in my life seem to be out of control or I could better say not in my control anymore, (ha, like they ever where anyways) I always get a desire to make changes, whether it is to my hair, my curtains (I don't know where that comes from), and this time it was my kitchen.   

I enlisted the help of my sister.  How much fun we had.  Wow!  We laughed and there were some tears, there are always tears when we get together, but there was more laughter this time.  Sometimes we just crack each other up. 

Sondra reminded me the last time we painted together, it was 10 years ago and she was helping me put the nursery together in preparation for our first baby.  We were both about 7.5 mths pregnant and couldn't wait to start decorating.  It turned out very nice.  It seems so long ago now.

So here we were at 9:00 at night, the kids at a friends house, all the material set out before us, and we begin.  Yeah, there's more prep work than we imagined, I have a very small kitchen so we thought that would go fairly fast. Not!! 

We also had more accessories on hand than was really needed and we didn't really know what to use them for.  And before we could even start, we realized we had nothing to open the paint can with.  Really, can you even stand it. 

And of course we put the two cabinets together with the drawers facing each other, because really why would we need to get into cupboards. Unless it's to get a butter knife to open the paint can that is sitting on the top of the cabinet. So my ingenious sister pulls out a pen to open it but that stubborn lid just wouldn't budge, go figure, next tool of choice was a spoon and we got started.  Then we realized there were things in the cabinet that we really did need, so she carefully moved the cabinet to the side slightly and got what she needed.  She even tried her luck a few more times and as she went to go in it THE LAST TIME she forgot the bucket of paint sat there and the plastic started to slid as gravity started it's decent, I hollared and dashed and did manage to grab it before it fell.  Oh that could have been disasterous.  

I can't tell you how many times I almost stepped on the lid of paint with my slippers on and at one point Sondra looked at me and said, 'oops I think my bra just came undone.'  (probably too much information but hey, it wasn't my bra.)  LOL.  This is the way the entire night went.

Then she was so proud to teach me her trick she learned, I'll tell you her secret, put holes in the rim of the paint can so the paint drips down, I bet your wondering how you've managed so long with out that bit of information.  She's so smart.  Of course she dropped the nail in and tried to grab it before it sunk, not so lucky.

So what do you think, are you up for some color? 

Don't look too closely, remember I said there were similarties to life in this painting project.  There are many imperfections and even some spots that show through, some places that still need some sanding, but you know what, I love it.  I wonder if that is how God sees us?

In God's Love, sheila

Here's the before:

Yup, that clock says 3:07 am, time for some tea and cocoa

Here's the after: 

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Owen and the T-Shirt

Sometimes I enjoy wondering what makes children act, react the way they do. Is it their circumstances at that moment, is it their birth order, is it innate in them, or is it just simply they’re kids and not really running on a full-tank quite yet (thanks Pastor Joe for filling me in on this)…

So Let's look at Case 1

We had some friends who went to Myrtle Beach on a much needed vacation and brought each of the children back a tee-shirt. Each liked their shirts and acted appropriately upon receiving them (manners and everything).  Well, at least that is the way I am remembering it.  Owen even wanted it put on right then, very cute.

Equally as cute was that evening when he just couldn’t part with this shirt and had to wear it under his pajamas. Oh, that is special. However, when I got home from work the next evening I noticed he was now wearing the shirt over his other shirt. Well, that is strange but I’ve Got A lot Going On, and that really isn’t a battle I’m ready to engage in.

Fast-forward three weeks later, and this is what I get for not picking my battle wisely (who knew?)

Owen and The Shirt (click to watch video)

Yeah, that’s not a pretty side of Owen at all. 
We like to keep that hidden.  SURPRISE
And it didn’t end there, after about five minutes he went back to the laundry room to get his shirt, I thought we were going to be in for another battle, but he quickly (thankfully) went on to something else. Of course, it was late and he was tired, but really he's lucky I was too busy filming for corrective measures to be taken.

So the next morning what do you think he must of be dreaming about.  Yep, the much coveted shirt. 

Sorry, Sharon, but I truly may have to hide this shirt for awhile.

Owen and The Next Morning

So again, I wonder why he clings to this shirt so much. Of course Grandma Sharon would say it’s because she gave it to him : ) or is it because the other kids call it his ‘Rock Star’ shirt. Just for the record he has never seen MTV or VH1 (is there still a VH1?) so I’m not sure where he gets this whole rolling around on the ground rock star persona from.

Finally, he gets it and all is well.    Owen and The Shirt, Part 3

Now, this is a pretty side of Owen. I just love this baby, dirty shirt and all.

In God’s Love, sheila

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I've Got A Lot Going On...

I seem to use this excuse line frequently.

I use it when I’m running late, when I’m not sure who my children are sitting with at church (because I’ve just noticed, they're not next to me); when I realize I still haven’t helped Tommy with his Thankful Feather for Pre-K, when I don’t know if my tire is flat because it takes time to walk to the other side of my van and look, when there are four little faces looking at me wondering what’s for dinner and I’m looking back at them wondering the same thing, when my older children are helping with potty training their younger brother, when the little one doesn’t have shoes on and I know, when my checkbook hasn’t been balanced in 3 mths a while and the oil changed in my van even longer or when I haven’t sat down and visited with a friend just because, read a book just to read, or have been to a store that didn’t require getting home right away because something might thaw, or have had the conversation with my daughter about NOT joining basketball with her friends (don’t break the news to her, I’ll do it today, well not today we have a reception at the school, tomorrow, I’ll do it tomorrow, oh yeah, I am finally getting together with some friends for a MUCH, MUCH needed bible study while the kids are at church, Wednesday, Wednesday is the day!! Now I hope that permission slip didn’t need to be in before, Abby’s very conscientious about timely things. Go Figure.)

I’ve Got A Lot Going On…..

We have some wonderful friends who have been helping doing our addition for us. I take the time to pray for each of you and are so thankful.

On Friday night I decided I needed to connect with the children.  I have been doing family movie night on Friday's lately, mostly because it's easy and I'm tired after a long week.  While we get to snuggle and laugh and eat popcorn, there really isn't a whole lot of connection going on.  So in the middle of the movie I gathered all the children and we went outside (in our pajamas) with some blankets and we laid down in my new bedroom (there was no roof on it) and looked up at the stars, they were amazing. Tommy was so excited to find the Big Dipper. We snuggled outside under the stars in our house, lol, we talked and laughed and then the boys got too crazy and Abby was missing her movie, but for the moment we slowed down and it was good.

So I think for now I'll have to focus on the quality of our time together not the quantity; but make no mistake I do realize that a half hour a week of quality time in no way makes up for putting in quantity time as a mom.  It just doesn't and it shouldn't, God gave me the responsiblity of these four children and I love it.

Well the stars didn't show up so well, but trust me when I say the were beautiful...

In God's Love, sheila

Monday, November 9, 2009

Beauty From Ashes

This weekend turned out very nice.  My mom has been working very hard at planting a flower garden at the old house in honor of the boys.

First, let me be honest and say, I did not in any way help in the planning or in the enthusiasm.  I just didn't.  Still a few things I am working through and going there does not bring back happy memories at all for me.

But, I went.  And I am glad.

The night before I sat at my table alone, wondering how to do my part in honoring the boys while not, in anyway, stepping on anyone's toes, either with my attitude or my SELF.  Did I mention my new CD by Steven Curtis Chapman, Beauty Will Rise came in the mail that very day. 

Let me say that I have listened to this CD no less then two dozen times.  It is wonderful, heartfelt, and more honest than I have ever been.  I laid in bed and cried as I read every inch of the sleeve (something I've only ever done, maybe twice, I mean seriously does anyone read them?).  The one song 'God, is it True?' lyrics were recorded in a hotel in Rochester, NY, June 6, 2009. SCC says this is probably more information than anyone really wanted to know, but here it is. Guess what, y'all, this was the same day my mom, myself and friends were at the Women of Faith conference in Rochester, NY where SCC was playing on Friday night.  I just thought it was cool how so involved God is, in everything.  Doesn't that just give you goosebumps.  It also didn't go un-noticed that the CD was released on November 3.

So as I sat there listening to the CD I decided to paint a sign from the very words I heard from SCC shortly after
his daughter went home to be with Jesus.

'We will be with them far longer than they were with us'  Is. 61:3

This is the sign Abby & Serena  made for them

            Aren't they talented

That is Tommy's painting to the left of Daydon's cross, he so misses him.
I even got into the work and it was good

Truly this is not what we would at all want, but someday, I KNOW, I will understand and even be thankful.
There are so many more times over the last year that God has shown me Light and I'll share that sometime soon.
In God's Love, Aunt Sheila

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Walk the Walk

I say, 'I trust' 

I say, 'in His will'

I say, 'He knows best'

Then why is it that I can fall right back into the same pattern of handling things the way I think they should be handled.  Why is it that I feel the need to jump in and save the day. 

Honestly, I would have to say it's because there is too much of mySELF left in me.  Too much of me who thinks I have the answers or I can see the way things need to be done. 

God has clearly asked me to let go, completely, and He will work things out.  It may not even be the way I want them to work out.  But, God has a plan and His plan is not to harm me or hurt me.  Although I am hurting now.  I'm reminded that Jesus hurt on the cross at Calvary, but He was still there for each of us. 

He's asking me if I really trust Him in this situation, all the way through?  Do I, I'm scared.  But, I am asking God for the strength and wisdom to to keep myself right where God needs me to be and He will do the rest.  I need to be obedient and take mySELF out of the picture. 

Thank you for all your prayers for yesterday, they were definitely heard as I had a peace about me yesterday amidst the sadness.  God is good. 

In God's Love, sheila

Friday, October 30, 2009

I Didn't Panic

A time to reflect…..

This morning a young girl came into the office, looking slightly scared, and whispered to me that she thought her water broke.
What are the odds that in an office of four I am the only one here at this time.
I gave myself five seconds to panic, and then noticed there was not a puddle in front of my desk and her pants were dry. I was very thankful and realized I can do this.  I got some information from her, called security for an ambulance and sat down with her to calm her down.  She had no one else for me to call. No one. She is 8.5 mths along, she thinks, and is all alone. She is scared. I so wanted to pray with her. I was praying but not with her.

She asked me if I had any children, and I laughed and said yes, four. She looked at me, lol, shaking her head, ‘Four, I can’t do this one.’ I re-assured her that she could and she would be fine. 

But, do I know that? No, I don’t, I don’t know her situation, I don’t know if she knows the Lord, I don’t know anything about her. But I do know that God loves her, I do know that somehow God can do for her what he has done for me and many others who give their lives to Him completely.

The birth of all of my children, no matter what my situation at the time was, is one of the happiest times of my life. That moment when you actually hold the baby you have prayed for, felt move, and loved, is pure joy. Seeing that little face look up at you and your eyes connect, I can close my eyes right now and still see each of my children’s small tiny faces looking straight through me. Even though they say they can’t really focus and see you, there is a connection and a mother’s love that flows straight through. Love that came first from the Father.

In God’s Love, sheila

update:  I've mentioned before that sometimes it takes me awhile to get things, I've been thinking of the girl all morning and her situation and it dawned on me that perhaps she wasn't keeping the baby.  I spoke with my supervisor and she confirmed it.  I am so thankful that in this day in age, she choose adoption rather than abortion.  I hope I get the chance to encourage her and let her know what a wise decision she made.  I pray there is a family waiting to share Jesus with this small miracle.

Thursday, October 22, 2009


A few weeks ago we got the chance to go to Akron Falls, what a beautiful place.  We ended up running late on time and batteries for my camera so I can't show you the water falls, but it is beautiful.  Great place to go hiking, to take children, they must have at least 10 different playgrounds.

Here are a few pictures:

See what we have been up to:

Seriously, is anyone else grossed out by this, in my picture you can actually see the slime on his hand, ugh...
Sondra asked to take Tommy on his field trip to Atwater Farms.  She said it was hard, but so glad she did. 

God is good all the time.
In God's love, sheila