A Hurting Heart

Today I’m hurting.


I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions lately and I’m not sure if it’s because of the season, Tommy’s birthday or this is just life now.


I miss ‘the boys’ so much. I miss their laughter, their smiles, their stories, the noise (and there was a lot with seven children), I miss watching them all play together, grow together, there is so much to miss.

Last year at this time I was functioning under shock and disbelief, I think that was a great coping mechanism God gave us, and as I’ve grown over the last year, apparently I no longer need them. But now I am left with the reality, that at times almost hurts so bad it’s physical. I am here and they are there and I wish it wasn’t so.


I got the kids school pictures in the mail about four weeks ago. They look great. I didn’t have time to put them up and I still haven’t found time. Really, I can’t find ten minutes to change the pictures in the frames? As I was thinking about this last night, I realized that I’m stuck. It occurred to me that I don’t want to change my kids pictures. You see, on my wall are seven pictures and I’ll only be changing four of them. How do I do that?

So as I cry out to my Abba Father, He continues to meet me and teach me in His way.

I’ll leave you with a story:

The other night I was snuggling with Tommy and he said he was scared of lions and bears (yup, just out of the blue like that). Well except for the cute little cub that was far enough from our house last year that it was exciting and not scary.


So I quickly think, this is a great teachable moment, and I say, ‘Well, Tommy, God gave David the strength and protected him against the lions and bears, and God is always with us, so I think your pretty safe; and the fact that we really don’t live in an area with lions and bears (normally) I think you’ll be ok.’


He looked at me and said ‘Well, when Jesus comes back everything will be normal again,’ and turned over and went to sleep.


Wow… and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. He’s right, this isn’t normal, hurting, death, pain; this is not the way God created us to live, but then there was sin and everything changed. And God loved us so much He sent His one and only Son to be born in a manger and His name is Jesus and when we are with Him either this side or that; everything will be normal again. Hallelujah . May God bless you this season and rejoice, everything will be normal again.  I, for one, am anxiously awaiting the day.


In God’s Love, sheila

Political or Not

I am so NOT political, but when I heard this on the radio this morning my first thought was 'How dare they?'

So the deal is, it is alright for the government to promote Jesus for their 2010 census but almost illegal for Jesus to be associated with Christmas.... 

Then as I started to think about it, aren't they saying what we as Christians knew all along.  Jesus was born in Bethlehem to Mary and Joseph exactly as the Bible says.

So thanks for making it so widely known.  I'm really not upset about it.

God bless you and Merry Christmas,

In God's Love, sheila

'Not me' Monday

I certainly would never feed my now 5 yr old a peanut butter and strawberry ice cream topping as a complete sandwich. That just wouldn’t be healthy. Not one ounce of guilt here, that was until his little brother wanted just a jelly sandwich and I gave it to him. Oh, what a tangled web we weave…..


I also would never think to put my many sick children on the floor to sleep with a few towels under their faces, because the thought of stripping a bed in the middle of the night made me want to cry. Of course I really didn’t, but the thought may or may not have been there.

I certainly didn’t turn red when I asked someone in the weight room if the machine was broken, only to discover I was no where near using it properly. I may or may not go back there again. And I certainly wouldn’t of skipped any machine I did not know how to use, because I was too embarrassed to ask. I have more self-esteem than that.

I also didn’t try sending in beans and yams to my son’s school for the needy because no one will eat them in my house. Only to find that he refused to take them, claiming ‘no one wants them, they won’t eat ‘em, they won’t even like them’ and then I certainly wouldn’t of served them for dinner that night to the same son. Sometimes it’s just great being the Mom.

I also wouldn’t of been in such a hurry to leave the house without a diaper, And if I did and my little guy needed a diaper change at his big sister’s concert, I wouldn’t first see if the diaper was salvageable, then decide it wasn’t and let him go al natural. Which may or may not have worked out well until we then went to my Aunt’s funeral an hour later. In which I would have taken the time to stop at the house and get a diaper instead of rushing. But, let’s just say I did rush then I would have had it in mind to NOT allow him upteen cups of water from the water cooler because he was content and well-behaved. You know because that water machine is so darn addicting to a two year old. Of course, that was probably what it was on his pants, spilled water, I’m sure of it.

Like I said, sometimes it’s just great being a Mom. How was your week?

In God’s love, sheila

Happy Birthday Tommy

Wow, I can't believe he is turning five.  He is so full of self-confidence and such a boy.  But there is a side to him that is the most lovable, huggable, snuggly little boy.  And what a sense of humor that is emerging.  Can you believe how much he has changed.

One month old

                                            Look at those cheeks

5 mths old

Don't ya love that smile....                                                                       

Here's that sense of humor

Three years old

Happy Birthday My Big Boy,

I love you more than the snowflakes that fall in the winter

love, mommy

Installing A Husband

Everyone once in a while, it's good to laugh and just imagine a simplier life.  Which is why, when a friend sent this to  me, I cracked up.  It's not an original, and maybe you've even seen it,  'Oh, if the problems in life were so simple.'  Enjoy and Merry Christmas,

In God's Love, sheila


Subject: INSTALLING A HUSBAND


INSTALLING A HUSBAND


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as:

NBA 5.0,
NFL 3.0 and
Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.
** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,

Boy friend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 up date.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boy friend 5.0 program.

These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!
Tech Support

Santa Clause

So I'm having some quiet talk and snuggle time with my four year old Tommy and he asked me something about Santa Clause.  Before I knew what was happening, Tommy was asking me 'what if Santa is a theif?' 

First off, how does he know this word and second have I done lasting damage to my child?  Where did this come from?  Am I freaking out for no reason?

Let's retrace my Santa Theory a bit to get a better handle on things:

Abby, first-born, very realistic.  At 3/4 looked straight at me and said 'is Santa real'?  So I said, 'Well, what do you think?  She really thought about it a minute scrunched up her little nose and grinned saying 'Momma, reindeers can't fly and I don't think someone can deliver toys to every child in one night.'  So I re-afirmed what she already knew, but let her know that it is fun to pretend, right?

Serena was a little harder.  She is the shy one.  She is also somewhat a perfectionist and HATES to be wrong.  Oh my word, to be wrong about something as huge as Santa Clause would be life-changing.  So, while she would never really admit whether or not she believed, keeping her perfect record of 100% accuracy, I think she really did.

And then once the girls saw the Tim Allen movie, Santa Clause, that was all she needed to answer any of Abby's doubts, no fireplace, no problem; no snow, not a worry; only one night, piece of cake.

Don't even get me started on the ones who have tried to tell my children that 'to the one who doesn't believe, is the one who doesn't get anything'.  Yeah, I better not go there, let it go, let it go......lol.

So, what does everyone else who is sane and rational do about the Santa Clause thing?

He looks normal though doesn't he, he doesn't looked damaged or fragile?

Motherhood is NOT as easy as some people led me to believe.

In God's love, sheila