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Trying to follow God and draw closer to him each day. Some days I slip, some days I fall, I'm so glad He never does.

Friday, December 18, 2009

A Hurting Heart

Today I’m hurting.

I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions lately and I’m not sure if it’s because of the season, Tommy’s birthday or this is just life now.

I miss ‘the boys’ so much. I miss their laughter, their smiles, their stories, the noise (and there was a lot with seven children), I miss watching them all play together, grow together, there is so much to miss.

Last year at this time I was functioning under shock and disbelief, I think that was a great coping mechanism God gave us, and as I’ve grown over the last year, apparently I no longer need them. But now I am left with the reality, that at times almost hurts so bad it’s physical. I am here and they are there and I wish it wasn’t so.

I got the kids school pictures in the mail about four weeks ago. They look great. I didn’t have time to put them up and I still haven’t found time. Really, I can’t find ten minutes to change the pictures in the frames? As I was thinking about this last night, I realized that I’m stuck. It occurred to me that I don’t want to change my kids pictures. You see, on my wall are seven pictures and I’ll only be changing four of them. How do I do that?

So as I cry out to my Abba Father, He continues to meet me and teach me in His way.

I’ll leave you with a story:

The other night I was snuggling with Tommy and he said he was scared of lions and bears (yup, just out of the blue like that). Well except for the cute little cub that was far enough from our house last year that it was exciting and not scary.

So I quickly think, this is a great teachable moment, and I say, ‘Well, Tommy, God gave David the strength and protected him against the lions and bears, and God is always with us, so I think your pretty safe; and the fact that we really don’t live in an area with lions and bears (normally) I think you’ll be ok.’

He looked at me and said ‘Well, when Jesus comes back everything will be normal again,’ and turned over and went to sleep.

Wow… and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. He’s right, this isn’t normal, hurting, death, pain; this is not the way God created us to live, but then there was sin and everything changed. And God loved us so much He sent His one and only Son to be born in a manger and His name is Jesus and when we are with Him either this side or that; everything will be normal again. Hallelujah . May God bless you this season and rejoice, everything will be normal again.  I, for one, am anxiously awaiting the day.

In God’s Love, sheila

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