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Trying to follow God and draw closer to him each day. Some days I slip, some days I fall, I'm so glad He never does.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

July 4th

This past week has been hard, really hard. I’ve been missing the boys so much. Sondra spent the day at our house on Weds. and it was nice to have her over for a couple hours. We kept things light and easy. There were a few times when we talked about the upcoming 4th of July which led us to what we did last year and the year before.

I’ve noticed she has been spending more time with Owen than the other children. I wonder if it hurts too much to be around Abby, Serena, & Tommy. They love her so much.

Friday came and I was moody and it was the 3rd . Eight months ago on the third the boys were getting off the bus at my house and playing and laughing. No matter how much I tried, I could not push thoughts away. I would look at the clock and remember what I was doing at that moment 8 mths ago, it was an emotional day.

We went to Olcott for the fireworks. It was hard not having them around somewhere to share in the laughter and fun. As the fireworks started Tommy asked me if I thought Day-Day could see them. I wanted to tell him about the galaxy and shooting stars and how much more Day-Day has than us, but time did not permit and so I kissed the top of his head and said that I am sure Day-Day’s fireworks are sooo much better and bigger. Pleased with my answer and thinking I made him feel better, I looked at him looking at me and he said, ‘Momma, there’s no night in Heaven.’….ummmmm, he got me. I think as I tuck him in this week, we will talk about the galaxy and shooting stars and the all the wonders God created.

The 4th is here, UGH…. Should be filled with joy and happiness but there is such a heaviness hanging I can’t shake it. We have plans to go to a parade, I’m wondering how I can get out of it. I just know that I can’t go and pretend to be happy when all I want is this day to be over. Seems everybody is feeling the crankiness and stress so we head home for a nap and opt out of the parade. The boys feel asleep after little protest and I got up. Not too sure what to do, I was tired but couldn’t rest, so I went out to the hammock. I am beginning to enjoy that thing. Great Father’s Day present it was.

As I was swinging out there, I began crying again and this time I let myself cry, really cry. I was hurting. It has been 8 mths since I have seen them, hugged them or heard their voices. I began to talk with God and pray. I was staring up at the sky searching for something and after some time my mind began to flood with memories, memories of them and us and after each memory there would be a smile on my face. I was filled with a peace inside. I want to continue looking ahead, this is not our home.

Romans 8:28-39

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.
And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Please continue to pray for my family as this week goes on. It is a hard one. In God’s Love, sheila

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