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Trying to follow God and draw closer to him each day. Some days I slip, some days I fall, I'm so glad He never does.

Monday, September 7, 2009

My Sub-Conscience

Ever wonder about your sub-conscience, I never did. Really, of course I knew I had one, they say everyone does, but it’s like the black hole, you know it’s there somewhere but not too sure you really want to know.

I had been having trouble sleeping. Trouble falling asleep, waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep. I have four children and I am use to getting woke up, so I can usually fall back to sleep rather quickly, after nine years you just get use to it. But not this past week. And as I laying there willing myself back to sleep, and thinking this cannot be good for the new job, I get more and more stressed. What is going on?

Glad you asked, or didn’t, really doesn’t matter at this point, but as I was getting dressed for work on Friday, I put it together, it was the fourth. It’s been 10 months since the boys have went home to be with Jesus. You would think I would not need this great light-bulb moment. But I did and I seem to have to have it every month. I was talking with Sondra, on Friday, telling her this very same thing, and she looks at me and says DUH….. She had still not put it together even though she had just told her friend she couldn’t sleep. We blame it on something we ate, drank coffee too late, anything than what it really is. My sub-conscience is not my friend!!!

It’s not that I can ever forget what happened and now I’m really thinking that I can’t just pretend the date does not mean something significant for me. I think I have to purposefully do something, whether it is spending some quiet time remembering the boys or going to the cemetery or at the house. I really don’t like going to the cemetery.

By the way, my mom has been working very hard on her own making a memorial garden and we were talking about the one-year coming up. Again, to purposefully do something will help, so we will be planting flower bulbs and I thought it would be nice if anyone wanted to give ‘donate’ bulbs, she would get a great surprise out of that. Just leave them under the bench that is there (3100 Bishop Rd.) or give them to me and I’ll deliver them.

In God’s Love, sheila

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