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Trying to follow God and draw closer to him each day. Some days I slip, some days I fall, I'm so glad He never does.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Communication Between a Husband and Wife

The communication differences between a husband and wife are enough sometimes to make me crazy…

Because what comes out of my mouth and into his ears somehow is not always the same. Seriously, is my head spinning because at times I feel like it is going to pop right off (and I have asked Pat this).

How can that happen you ask? It all has something to do with the X and Y chromosome, mostly the Y though (I’m pretty sure) and I won’t go any further with that because that’s all I really understand about it.

More than this though is understanding how each one of us process our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I tend to talk fast and much information is thrown out in hopes that one or two ideas will sound good. I call this brainstorming. Pat call’s it mindboggling.

While sometimes I have changed plans four times on Pat and not really understanding why he is not with the program. My thoughts evolve like a well-defined flowchart (or so I think) and end up with a grand plan that is sure to work out for everyone. So imagine my dismay when not everyone is with me.

More times than I care to be honest about it leaves me frustrated. My frustration can be seen by my quietness (only purposely banging a pan or slamming a door is hardly quiet, is it) or overreacting to the cats or the pile of laundry that has sat there and in now on my last nerve. Or, even more embarrassing is my shortness with the little ones in the house.

But we are growing as a family….I am learning to become more flexible and to respect how differently Pat and I deal and process things.

I can share this with you because Pat said I could and I asked (which is ok and not sexist at all, only there was a time when I thought it was, but that just shows how God is changing me and I needed changing).

The other night when we got home, I rushed to get dinner because I had a meeting and Pat was going to play basketball. We had almost an hour. So about 5 minutes before it was time to go, I poked my head in the living room and asked Pat if he was going to be ready. Pat does not like to be rushed. But here he was getting rushed and was not handling it the best. There were some grumbling and complaints made underbreath along with a remark about the macaroni & cheese (I occassionly forget the butter, but he wasn’t eating anyway…). So after we get in the van I ask why he is angry with me or at the least taking it out on me…..

And he was right when he said that I should not take things so personal (except for the macaroni & cheese comment that was definitely all me), but that he was upset that he didn’t pay attention to the time and (I may have stopped listening at this point, the roads were bad and I had to concentrate  :   )

After I dropped him off, with much tension still between us, I am learning to not react to his actions. I sure could of given it back to him but his grumpiness is his grumpiness.

So imagine my wonderful surprise when I picked him up after my meeting and he apologized and explained why he was grumpy. Short on time, hungry, he was not telling me excuses, but reasons and there is a difference.

Many may not understand this, but something this small could (and has) grown into a 3-5 day argument, where there is almost no end in sight. But, we are working on our communication and our marriage as a whole.

So, put that together with me not reacting and Pat being able to be alone (I wouldn’t guess there was a whole lot of meaningful conversation going on during basketball) and he was able to process what he was feeling and how he reacted and shared it with me.

He certainly could have gotten in the van and pretended it never happened and went about our business. But we no longer want to sweep things under the rug, eventually it piles up and we trip on it and fall flat on our face. Been there, done it.

So with God’s word as our guide and our obedience to it, I am praying our marriage will stand the test of time and we can model for our children a healthy, happy marriage; the way God intended it to be. 

Thank you for everyone who has prayed for us as a couple and individually it really means so much to us.

In God’s Love, sheila

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